Like A Wave
by royalfirelily
Summary: She didn't know when it began, but when it did, it came over her periodically, biding its time until it crushed her like a wave.


She didn't know when it began, but when it did, it came over her periodically, biding its time until it crushed her like a wave.

The first time happened simply and unexpectedly. She was busy in the kitchen, cooking and chopping vegetables for dinner later, when she had to sit down. She did not know what was going on, but her chest started squeezing, making her gasp for breath. Her head started spinning mildly, just starting on its momentum when it all just stopped. Shrugging it off as not having enough sleep, she continued her preparations for dinner. She went back to her daily tasks—eating with the family, talking to her two young children, enjoying their company, her husband'scompany—like nothing happened. Nothing _major _did, after all.

She kept her mouth shut, even to her husband.

—

A few years passed, her children were now three in number, when the second time rolled around. It was stronger than the first, this squeezing in her chest, but this time she had a vague awareness of what it was, she just did not want to acknowledge it. Instead, she pushed out the feelings, the thoughts, the things that made her think about _him_, to the edge of her consciousness, never to be thought about again. It made her feel better, even for just a little while.

She kept her lips sealed, _again. _

But it kept happening over the years, never truly leaving her at peace. She continued on pushing it to skirt around her awareness, thinking that if she never _really _thought about _him_, but only in passing, it would go away. It didn't, but when it came, it came more frequent and intense as the years wore on.

But she kept on _pretending_, for that was the word she associated with her marriage to her husband, she kept on trudging on, if not for her well-being, but for her children's. They had to see that mommy was happy so they would be happy too. She kept up the facade, she was after all, her element. The element of change, she was used to change, she knew she would cope, would be resilient, would be okay in the end. It was her destiny to be with the avatar, right?

She kept on telling herself that their destinies were to be with someone else, and for sure he was happy with his wife, together ruling the Fire Nation. She told herself that he was happy with his bright young daughter, heiress to the throne, what would his daughter look like if she had her colouring and his? Her brown hair, and his skin— _stop, stop, stop thinking about what ifs. Your children are bright and beautiful too, the airbender and waterbender and nonbender, they are your children with him_. _They are your legacies with him,_ _not_ him_. Don__'__t think about the Fire Nation. Don__'__t think about his scar, the one on his face and the one just below his chest, the one he got to save you__— __STOP. _

She did stop thinking about the boy with the scar on his eye and chest, marks of true bravery, instead she thought of the boy with the scar on his back and foot, marks of carelessness.

It progressed to just a dull ache in her chest as she had come to terms with the choices she had made. She hoped that he had as well.

-ooo-

When Aang passed, everyone from all corners of the world paid their respects. Even the dignitaries and noble and royal houses came to give their last goodbye to the saviour of the world. That meant _he_ was here.

The dull ache blossomed into something more profound, now that the source of it was near. Her sadness then increased hundred-fold, first her husband, second _his_ presence, and third at herself, for not being able to curb this feeling she had felt for several years. She didn't know how, even after all these years.

He came to her, him being the ruler of the Fire Nation and her being the wife of the deceased Avatar, the one he had to give most of his condolences to. Even in their old age, each regarded the other like they were just kids of fifteen and seventeen preparing to save the world or die trying, the tension and awkwardness of the realisation that they had had this understanding that no one else in their group possessed. They stood there just staring, taking in the other.

It was him who broke the silence. _Or _rather her, for they spoke at the same time.

"Katara-," he said.

"Zuko-" she said. They both smiled. She inclined her head towards him, signalling for him to start first.

"Katara, I'm very sorry for your—" He started, but was then cut off as she enveloped him in a hug, not letting him say the words that would start the pain afresh, instead silently asking him to let her feel all what was on his mind through a simple hug. She knew he understood when he returned the gesture, for that was what they knew to do, no words needed to pass between them, they simply understood each other.

The pain in her chest then became very real and surprising, just like the first time it happened. It shocked her, she thought she had pushed the feeling to the brink of non-existence, but she was merely numb to the pain.

—

"It's alright, I'm here." He said.

It was true, it was just the two of them now.

They were standing on the side, watching as Sokka's body was given the last rites of their culture's send off and was pushed to the open seas. He was holding her, allowing her to let go of the anguish and pain of losing her brother.

She cried, cried, and cried for her brother, for her husband, for all her friends who had gone before her, for the man holding her, for all the sadness this world had given to her and everybody else, and for the lost love.


End file.
